so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
