You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
