so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
