bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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