so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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