I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
