we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
