did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
