His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
