Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
