He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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