I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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