Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I want to fling myself into the sun
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
