just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
