So drunk, too bad you don't want this
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
