Someone shit on the floor
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
