The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
