I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
