It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
