how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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