If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
