I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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