she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
