Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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