Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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