FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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