she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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