I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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