The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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