that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
