I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
