Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
