I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
