I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
