It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
