My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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