So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
