i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
