we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
