I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize