I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
