i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
