you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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