I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
