I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
PANTIES FOUND
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize