see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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