she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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