shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
