i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize