the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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