Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
