Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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