A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize