I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
