I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
