My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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