Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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