You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
