If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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