He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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