Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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