Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
