We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
