Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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