I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
