Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
