dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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