He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
