I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the day after is always just damage control
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
