he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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