Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
