i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
