Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
