i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
