physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I looked at my own cervix.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
