I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
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