i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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