Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
