Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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