I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
