dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
