Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so explain again why im purple
no
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
