Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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