is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
