That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
