Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
