Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
