You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
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