What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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