I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
