i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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