Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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