Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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