I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
