im about as happy as oj after his trial
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize