a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
