are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
