i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
