Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
