Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
