i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
